dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
