I want to have your abortion
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
