Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
