I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
