He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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