Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
