If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
