Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
