Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
