how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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