Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
