where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
