I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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