wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize