Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
