Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
