I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
