Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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