hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize