If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
