so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also, beer. Big fan.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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