break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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