I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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