woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
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You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
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Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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