I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
