I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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