32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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