We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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