in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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