Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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