you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
