mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
