did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
