If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
