I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
