so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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