Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
