He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
