the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize