Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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