My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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