Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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