Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
