Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
