well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair