woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dicks are not precious.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
