....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
