I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
