i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
