I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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