If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
