I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
