When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
