You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
