I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
