So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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