i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
