how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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