did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
True strength comes from lack of pants
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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