i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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