Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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