Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
