at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
