Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
