Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
