The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
