Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
