not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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