dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize