ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So many bounce houses so little time
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
