This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
