did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
