He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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