and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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