She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
