we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
