You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
