You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
