after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
