the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
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Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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