Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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