who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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